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How To Commit Skateboard Suicide


Posted On:
7 May 2012
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Design Mark Donaldson

1. You don’t wear flannel at least three times a week.
2. You wonder what the big fuss about John Cardiel is when he didn’t have any footage on the Beauty and the Beast trips.
3. You just read the previous point and thought, “Who is John Cardiel?”
4. You have the latest Jeremy Rogers album on repeat in your car.
5. You don’t do frontside shuvs on rough ground.
6. You’re still rocking the D3 because you just can’t seem to wear them through.
7. You prefer Transworld Magazine to Thrasher Magazine.
8. You like your Grind Kings Trucks over Independent Trucks because they have the plastic on the side which helps with your noseslides.
9. You are a crew member of the Red Dragons.
10. Your favorite skater is Chris Lambert.
11. You skate your wheels with the graphic on the outside.
12. Your latest Facebook status update reads; ‘finally landed something I’ve been trying for the past month and no one saw!’
13. You still think Hookups had some really cool t-shirt graphics and wish they never went out of business.
14. You just got a tattoo of your sponsors logo.
15. You don’t refer to your teammates as a ‘family’.
16. You stick your sponsors stickers all over the spot you’re skating.
17. You’re wearing a helmet in your latest video part. Patrick O’dell reviews it.
18. Your favourite trick at Boogaloos is skating off the quarter to flat.
19. You have a cover of a magazine with the title “South Africa’s first black pro”.
20. You start a company called Viking, turn yourself pro and then publish an advert of the team on a boat.

Got some don’t do’s to add?  Comment below!

  • Nubuck

    You always land hardflips with one foot off the board then quickly put it back on, hoping nobody saw you do that and claim a land.

  • Nubuck

    You grab hardflips indy… on flat

  • Nubuck

    You start DJing music other than brian jonestown massacre, Fugazi or Sonic Youth

  • Nubuck

    You think skating pools is wack

  • Jbrules

    You aren’t a member of The Red Dragons

  • Matt

    you buy a longboard and try to hardflip it………

  • Matthew Ferris

    how not to…….. buy a shecks plan b with the sole intent on board sliding the MF ;)

  • Iamabutcher

    You aren’t a member of The Red Dragons

  • NL

    15/20. Do I win?

  • Nubuck

    Organize an event in Bloemfontein around the claimer that you’ll jump out of a farm chopper into a quarter pipe… then pussy out on camera. twice.

  • Bergenlbm

    All you own at the moment is a pair of All Stars. Dead man skating right here

  • Heebn

    Hook ups is still actually in business. And Tensor have the plastic, not Grind King. Kill yourselves.

  • redrum

    Hookups may as well be out of business and Tensor is just as shit as Grind King, ride Independent!

  • rocko

    you get mark donaldson to do logo design for your website 

  • tumi

    not being abl to do one trick and calling yourself a skater

  • lizzard

    doing footplants during games of skate

  • grog

    You spend so much time worrying about all the shit above that you forget to skate!

  • Tsheps24

    You sag your pants (which exposes your unpleasant ass to all observers) and still act surprised when you rip them.

  • Disgusted

    This list is really pointless. For starters, has anyone ever seen David Gonzalez or Rodney Mullen wearing flannel? Secondly, Sierra Fellers skates with his wheel graphics facing outwards. Oh before I forget, Sammy Baca has the Indy trucks logo tattooed on his elbow. Tommy Sandoval and Chris Cole both have Zero tattoos. Don’t forget about Jim Greco and Erik Ellington, who both have Deathwish tattoos. Are you telling us that all of these professional skaters have committed “Skateboarding Suicide”?

    I can’t believe that a “skater” would put so little thought into writing this garbage!
    He, along with anyone who could be bothered to read this, should know that skateboarding is not about the clothes you wear or the tattoos on your body. It’s about the experience, the pleasure and the freedom. It’s about the risk and the adrenalin. It’s about being a part of something bigger than yourself. Why do think so many non-skaters envy us?

    To the author: You’ve disgraced yourself with this piece of bullshit you call an article.

  • Reprobait

    haha this whole thing is a joke to get people contributing, it’s not meant to be practical or completely realistic. Therefore, it’s not pointless because you just proved our point…..oh and by saying that skateboarding is about risk and adrenalin you just committed skate suicide. Thanks for playing, come again. 

  • Not-so-disgusted

    Well, since it’s a joke I’ll admit that I feel quite stupid for getting so worked about this. I’m just so used to having to my reasons for skateboarding by non-skaters. Because of this, criticism has become a knee-jerk reaction. I kinda get the joke in a way because a friend of mine read this and had a good laugh. I hope you understand my perspective as well. By the way, you have to admit that the risk/reward nature of skateboard is addictive. The “risk and adrenalin” does play a part, doesn’t?